TAKING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH TO HEART

HOW TO HELP A LOVED ONE WHO’S STRUGGLING

TAKING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH TO HEART

HOW TO HELP A LOVED ONE WHO’S STRUGGLING

Author: Stéphanie Deslauriers, psychoeducator

Sometimes, even if you’re doing well, someone you care about may be going through a tough time. When a friend, parent, or other loved one is struggling, you may feel powerless, guilty, or confused. 

If this difficult period drags on, the distress may start to affect different areas of their life, including school, work, family, friends, romantic relationships, and extracurricular activities. 

As someone who cares, it’s only natural to want to help them feel better. This shows your sensitivity, empathy, and compassion. 

How can you give them the support they need while still taking care of yourself? Read on for advice on how to navigate this delicate situation. 

HOW MUCH CAN YOU HELP SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT WHO’S GOING THROUGH A DIFFICULT TIME?

HOW MUCH CAN YOU HELP SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT WHO’S GOING THROUGH A DIFFICULT TIME?

It’s important to show self-compassion when helping someone in distress, which means maintaining your boundaries. The goal is not to take on the other person’s pain or distress, but rather to let the them know they are not alone, that you’re there for them, and that they can confide in you. 

A simple technique for maintaing your boundaries is to check in with yourself. Ask yourself: 

  • Do I feel able to listen to the difficult things the other person has to say today? 
  • Do I feel emotionally available to handle my loved one’s distress today? 

Your answer might be “no”—and that’s okay! It doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad friend. It’s a sign that you have self-respect and are able to set boundaries for self-protection and self-preservation. 

Here are a few examples of how to gently set a boundary: 

  • “You know, I don’t feel strong enough to discuss your situation today. But if you want to take your mind off things, I’d be happy to do something with you.” 
  • “I need to take MY mind off things today and spend some time alone. Could we talk about this another time?” 
Learn more about self-compassion
WHEN YOUR PARENT IS STRUGGLING

WHEN YOUR PARENT IS STRUGGLING

When one of your parents is going through a hard time, your life may also be affected. Of course, we’d all prefer our parents to be mentally strong and doing well. You might feel the need to help your parent when they’re tired or struggling in other ways. But while your intentions are good, it’s important to remember that you aren’t an adult; it’s not your job to take on these responsibilities. 

  • Remember that, even though it may feel good, you shouldn’t be your parent’s main confidant. 
  • Your parent should be able to talk about their situation with their spouse, a trusted friend, or a mental health professional. 
  • Once again, self-preservation is key. Know your boundaries and take care of yourself and YOUR mental health. 

A WINNING APPROACH

Regardless of who you’re trying to support, you don’t need to find the PERFECT words to make them feel better. The simple truth is, the perfect words don’t exist. What really makes a difference is being listened to, understood, accepted, and not judged by the people they care about. Here are a few impactful ways to offer support: 

  • Listening
  • Offering a hug
  • Placing your hand on their shoulder
  • Making eye contact

What to do if the person tells you something concerning

Important: If a friend or parent tells you that they’re in distress and asks you not to say anything, don’t keep it to yourself—seek help. You aren’t betraying them by reaching out. These situations are very difficult to deal with and require support from a health professional. 

Getting help

Getting help

Don’t hesitate to refer your loved one to specialized mental health resources. Here are a few avenues: 

  • Professionals at school (psychoeducators, social workers, psychologists, special education teachers)
  • The local CLSC
  • Helplines such as Tel-Jeunes

If you’re concerned about the safety or life of your friend or loved one, the SOS Suicide hotline is open 24/7. If they bring up suicide, don’t keep it to yourself. Inform a health professional or their parents as soon as possible, or if it’s an emergency, call 911. 

13 symptoms of depression

NEED TO TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH?

Talk to a Tel-Jeunes worker: it’s anonymous, free, and available 24/7