WHAT ARE THE SIGNS OF A TOXIC PARENT?

Below are some of the signs of a toxic parent. 

Note: The behaviours described below become toxic when they are repeated consistently in interactions between the parent and child. 

🤯 Difficulty controlling emotions

The parent is impulsive, explosive. They easily lose their temper or overreact to certain situations. The child learns that their parent can easily lose control and become hostile for no reason. This contributes to a feeling of insecurity and hypervigilance. 

🤬 Criticism

The toxic parent tends to be overly critical and makes negative comments that are not constructive. They make their child feel that they are never satisfied with their child’s achievements and that their child never lives up to their expectations. Faced with this type of behaviour, the child is likely to experience performance anxiety and feel a disproportionate desire to impress their parent. 

👉 Blame

When faced with a mistake or a compromising situation, the parent tends to blame their child or the rest of the family. They struggle with taking responsibility for their role in the conflict or problem. This can make the child more defensive, making it harder for them to acknowledge their wrongdoings in their interpersonal relationships. Conversely, some young people will develop a heightened sense of guilt and constantly feel responsible for situations out of their control. 

❌ Control

The parent is very strict and interferes excessively in all areas of their child’s life. As the child grows up, the parent struggles to adapt and makes infantilizing demands (e.g., forbidding their teenager from meeting friends outside of school). This type of behaviour can prevent the child from becoming independent and developing a sense of responsibility or cause them to rebel against or distance themself from their parent. 

😳 Humiliation

The parent insults, denigrates, or mocks their child on a regular basis. The child’s self-esteem is broken down, and they may try to do everything in their power to please their parent, without ever really succeeding. The child will have difficulty developing self-confidence and becoming a strong adult. 

While insulting comments or criticism sometimes seem to resonate more with children and potentially even cause them to change their behaviour, remarks like these often put the child on the defensive and make them less receptive to the message you want to convey. 

In the long term, parent-teen communication can become difficult. Your teenager may feel that discussions with you inevitably end with them being blamed and criticized. 

Take a moment to reflect on your day-to-day interactions with your teen and try to adjust them as needed: When speaking to them, make sure your words are kind and constructive, and listen to your teen’s thoughts. This will encourage them to express their emotions and make positive changes.