Author:

Nathalie Parent, psychologist

Audrey-Anne is studying for her geography exam tomorrow. She’s anxious and feels like she’s going to fail. She has a lump in her throat. She feels a hot flash coming on and her heart rate is speeding up.

Before things get worse, she goes to her mother, who says: “You have an appointment with your new psychologist in three weeks, that’ll help.” Audrey-Anne feels better knowing that her first session is scheduled. But her mother is still worried and doesn’t know what more she can do to help. What’s more, Audrey-Anne’s little brother doesn’t understand what’s happening and thinks that his sister is just looking for attention. 

Does this story sound familiar?

You should know that you aren’t alone; many parents are experiencing the same difficulties with their children. It’s not easy to deal with a child who’s suffering, but by trying the strategies below, you can make it more tolerable and gain a sense of control over what’s happening. 

Take care of yourself first

If you want to help your teen effectively, you should start by finding support for yourself, so that you aren’t dealing with your worries on your own. If you can stay calm, trust your teen, and believe that their problem won’t last forever, you’ll help them believe in themself and feel good about the future. 

To do this, seek out with people you trust, such as a family doctor or friend—someone you can talk to and who will be able offer reassurance. Be wary of information you find online; sometimes what you find will only make you worry more. Remember that every situation is unique and needs a tailored solution. 

Support your teen while they wait for their appointment

It’s important to keep the lines of communication open with your teen. Take an interest in them and talk about what they’re experiencing and feeling. Be present, but not too present—you don’t want to treat them like a little kid. It’s a good idea to validate their feelings. Remind yourself of what you needed at their age when you were struggling. 

Here are a few daily activities you can suggest to your teen as a way to manage their situation while they wait to meet with a health care professional: 

• Relaxation exercises like deep breathing, meditation and visualization. A daily practice can have a significant impact on their suffering. 
• Writing down their ideas and deepest thoughts in a notebook or diary as a way to express their feelings. 
• Drawing, painting, making music (and all other forms of art) as a way to relax. 
• Confiding in a friend or trusted adult. If your teen wants to, they can also talk to a specialist for free via phone or text. See our list of resources here. 
• Reading can also help: a book with exercises on the area in which they’re struggling, or a novel for escapism. 

How to deal with siblings

Various issues can arise between brothers and sisters when one is suffering psychologically. When this happens, it’s best to speak openly and frankly… without disclosing everything. 

For example, you could say: “I understand that this is unsettling for you (validation). 

Your sister is going through a hard time, and we need you to help our family get through this as a team (collaboration). 

There may come a time when you’ll need help and we’ll all be there for you too, including your sister.”