Helping teens stay balanced
Talking About Romantic Relationships With Your Teen
Helping teens stay balanced
Talking About Romantic Relationships With Your Teen
Article co-written with Fondation Marie-Vincent
Is your teen is experiencing young love for the first time? If you’re still unsure how to approach this personal and sensitive subject, know that even in this area of their life, you still have an important role to play. Developing a healthy relationship with their partner is vital for the well-being of your teen and the future adult they will become. It’s also an essential part of protecting them from domestic violence in romantic relationships. Read on for our tips on how to discuss relationships with your teen.
WHAT ARE THE EFFECTS OF A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?
An unhealthy romantic relationship can expose your teen to emotional, psychological, and physical health problems and negatively impact their self-esteem. As a result, they may experience depression and anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorders, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, sexually transmitted infections, sleep disorders, poor academic performance, and more.
Find out more about the different forms of sexual violenceHOW DO I TALK TO MY TEEN ABOUT DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS? 🤔
Talking about dating, relationships, and sexuality with your teen can be difficult for some parents. Here’s some advice to get you started:
• Show your interest and openness and be ready to talk: If you get “preachy” or launch into a monologue, your teen may lose interest or shut down. Give them space to talk and listen without judgement.
• Use situations you’ve encountered in your day-to-day as a starting point: Maybe you saw something in the news, in a movie or TV series, or may something happened to someone you know. Start simple by asking your teen “What do you think of…?” or “What would you have done if you were in that situation?” and let them share their opinion.
You can also talk about your teenage years to let your child know what you felt and thought when you were their age, as long as you remember that they are their own person and may react differently than you did.
• When your teen shares something, react by providing insight and helping them better understand the subject
• Nurture your relationship with your teen every day:
• Talking often allows you to stay informed of the changes in your child’s life and makes it easier to discuss sensitive subjects. The idea is to avoid limiting your talks to when you want to share your concerns or when an urgent situation occurs.
• Don’t pressure your teen to date. Talking about romantic relationships with your child is important, but keep in mind that nobody is obliged to be in a romantic or sexual relationship, or even to want to be in a relationship. The most important thing is that your child feels good about themself.
• Think about how you behave in your own romantic relationships. The way you handle your own relationships sets an example for your teen, and they will tend to repeat the same behaviours in their relationships.
What’s a healthy relationship?
When they are healthy, romantic relationships make you feel good, safe, and respected, and are built on several fundamental aspects:
🗨 Communication: talking about your concerns, feelings, thoughts, and what’s important to you, and asking your partner to share in return.
👂 Listening: listening to your partner and feeling that they listen to you as well.
⚖ Equality and balance : each partner should feel equally important in the relationship and no one takes advantage or holds power over the other.
🥰 Respect : having respect for yourself and your partner, even when you disagree. Having a positive attitude and using kind, considerate words and gestures to affirm and show affection.
🧘♀️ Freedom: feeling comfortable and free to express your needs, wants, and boundaries. Feeling that you can change your mind without consequence for you or your relationship. Being free to pursue your own pastimes.
💗 Sharing, fun, and love!
And, most importantly, a healthy, respectful relationship is based on the free and informed consent of all people involved.
Talking about consent with your child means teaching them to listen to themself, consider their desires, set their own boundaries, and accept other people’s boundaries in return.
What is consent?
Whether it’s kissing, touching, having sex with or without penetration, or sending sexually explicit messages or photos, each partner has to consent and agree to allow the activity to take place.
Consent can be expressed in many ways. Don’t hesitate to give your teen some examples:
- It can be expressed in words or gestures, and can be explicit or implicit. Remaining silent and not reacting does not constitute consent. A person doesn’t have to physically resist to show that they don’t consent.
- It is never final. You can say “yes” and then change your mind at any time during the sexual activity. You can also say “yes” to certain acts and “no” to others.
- It is not valid when there is an unequal balance of power or when you aren’t fully conscious (e.g., asleep or under the influence of drugs or alcohol).
Remind your teen that if the other person refuses—either through their words or actions—or if they remain motionless, do not engage, or say nothing, the sexual activity should stop. When there’s the slightest doubt as to consent, it’s important to ask!
Is there consent? For sexual consent to be valid, it must meet four criteria. Find out what they are here.
Our tools
Want your teen to learn more about violence in romantic relationships?
Have them try this interactive simulator that lets them engage in hypothetical chats illustrating abusive behaviours.
Think your teen might be in an abusive situation?
Have them take this self-assessment.
Listen to our podcasts!
Youth in Mind Foundation and Aidersonenfant.com have joined forces to bring you a podcast series called “Love and friendship – Key elements to accompany your teenager.”
Watch this episode in video format on our YouTube channel.
In partnership with Aidersonenfant.com, we tackle a sensitive subject that can’t be ignored: violence within teenage relationships. How, as parents, can we shield our youngsters from violence and abuse? How do we talk to them about it? And where can we go ifwe need help from a professional?
In collaboration with aidersonenfant.com, let’s dive into a topic that concerns more and more parents: gender identity. How can we, as parents, support our children in their quest for gender identity?
Read our articles related to this subject:
External resource
Need to talk about what you're going through?
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With our partner
The Marie-Vincent Foundation supports children and teens who are victims of violence by offering them the services they need—all in one location. The Foundation helps prevent sexual violence by focusing on education and awareness, and by helping children with problematic sexual behaviours.