HELPING TEENS STAY BALANCED
Helping your child cope with anxiety
HELPING TEENS STAY BALANCED
Helping your child cope with anxiety
Authors: AMÉLIE SEIDAH, PhD, AND ISABELLE GENINET, PhD, PSYCHOLOGISTS
It can be hard to watch your child struggle with anxiety. You might feel powerless or helpless at times, and although you have the best intentions, your efforts to help may be ineffective or even make things worse.
At the same time, some young people engage in behaviours caused by anxiety without realizing it, such as avoiding social situations (social anxiety), putting in less effort at school (performance anxiety), or alcohol or drug use (self-medication). So, how can you support your teen through their anxiety? Here are a few tips that will help you respond effectively.
In this video, parents talk about their teens’ anxiety and how they respond to it:
Listen and validate their emotions
Rather than lecturing your teen or suggesting solutions, just listen to them. At times, you might think they’re overreacting or being irrational, but remember that in any situation, it’s important to validate the painful emotions or uncomfortable physical sensations your child is feeling.
“Of course it feels bad to feel overwhelmed and have butterflies in your stomach.”
In this example, we aren’t validating the teen’s fears or catastrophic thoughts, but rather the emotional discomfort that they feel. By not judging what they’re experiencing, you can increase the chances that they’ll open up to you and be kinder to themself.
Ask your teen about ways to deal with their anxiety
It’s easy to offer solutions. However, helping your teen develop their own anxiety toolkit is much more beneficial in the long run. This way, they’ll get to know themselves better and become more independent in managing difficult emotions.
Ask them questions like the following:
- What could you do to make things easier right now?
- This probably isn’t the first time you’ve felt anxious; what have you done in the past to get through it?
- What did you tell yourself to help yourself feel better?
- What actions did you take?
- What was helpful?
MODEL HEALTHY WAYS TO DEAL WITH UNCERTAINTY
Uncertainty is something we deal with in every facet of our lives: relationships, health, work, the future . . . Waiting to see how things will turn out can be very stressful. But, as parents, we can show our teens that it’s possible to deal with uncertainty by verbalizing the fact that we’re experiencing anxiety and demonstrating healthy stress management strategies. Here are a few examples:
- Dealing with a situation that scares us instead of avoiding it.
- Waiting before taking action rather than acting impulsively.
- Verbalizing the presence of a challenge in an undesirable situation instead of pointing out what could go wrong.
This way, your teen will be able to follow your lead and develop a less anxious relationship with uncertainty.
Listen to your own discomfort
What emotions do you feel when your child has an anxious episode? Anxiety, helplessness, guilt, confusion, or exasperation?
It’s important to remember that anxiety is a difficult and obtrusive emotion, but it isn’t permanent or deadly. If we tend to want to control our own anxiety, we’ll be tempted to do the same with those close to us; likewise, if we panic easily when faced with our own problems, we will tend to overreact to the situation.
Think of it this way: When you’re on a plane, the flight attendants tell you to always put on your own oxygen mask before helping your child in an emergency. It’s the same for anxiety: helping a teen in distress requires a lot of energy, and it can really drain your batteries.
Make sure to take care of yourself and your own health first so you can support your teen.
There’s nothing selfish or indulgent about taking care of yourself as a parent—on the contrary! Taking a moment to think before you react, and recharging your batteries if necessary, will help you be in a better headspace when you talk to your teen.
If you don’t have a handle on your own anxiety, it can be easy to give in to the impulse to go into problem-solving mode too quickly. Moreover, if you’re experiencing emotional discomfort yourself, you may have the reflex to pull away from this “heavy” situation or try to make your teen see reason by explaining a rational or logical point of view to them. You may even make them think they’re overreacting and thus that their feelings aren’t valid . . .
IN CONCLUSION . . .
Dealing with anxiety is a skill that we learn and perfect for our entire lives. However, by establishing supportive attitudes such as listening, validation, non-judgment, and autonomy, we can help our teens develop a healthier relationship with their anxiety and better cope with it.
Find all our practical tools to help your teen manage THEIR anxiety:
Download our comprehensive mini-guide!
A free, comprehensive mini-guide for families featuring:
- A section on the theory behind anxiety to help you understand your teen’s anxiety
- Practical advice and tools so that you can help your child when the need arises
- Tips and exercises to help your teen manage their anxiety on a daily basis
👉 Download
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IS YOUR TEENAGER PRONE TO SCHOOL ANXIETY? LISTEN TO OUR PODCAST ON THE TOPIC
Social and performance anxiety in teens
In partnership with Aidersonenfant.com, we deep dive into a topic that concerns a growing number of parents: social anxiety and educational performance anxiety in teens.
How, as a parent, can you help your child manage their anxiety, so it doesn’t take over their life?
To discuss this issue, we’ve invited guests Victoria Forand, a teenage girl living with anxiety, Dr. Luigi de Benedictis, psychiatrist at the Institut universitaire en santé mentale de Montréal, and Marie-Élaine Thibeault, school psychologist.
ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT YOUR CHILD, BUT STRUGGLE TO GET THEM TO OPEN UP TO YOU?
Read our advice and learn how you can support your teen in times of psychological distress.
You can also point them to our tips on how to better manage their anxiety.
Discover our adviceNeed to talk about what you are going through with your teenager?
Contact Tel-jeunes Parents for free 24/7 professional support
LEARN ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTORS’ BOOK
TOUT SAVOIR POUR COMPOSER AVEC LES TURBULENCES À L’ADOLESCENCE – ISABELLE GENINET, PHD, AND AMÉLIE SEIDAH, PHD, PSYCHOLOGISTS
This practical guide aims to help teens get to know themselves better, develop better critical thinking and improve their self-observation skills. With concrete strategies and helpful advice, teens will learn how to cultivate a positive attitude (e.g. openness, curiosity, flexibility) and, above all, understand the importance of taking action. And this, in turn, will help them feel better equipped to deal with life’s ups and downs… and cope with the emotional turbulence of adolescence!
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