Getting help

YOUR ROLE AS A PARENT WHILE YOUR CHILD IS IN PSYCHOTHERAPY

Getting help

YOUR ROLE AS A PARENT WHILE YOUR CHILD IS IN PSYCHOTHERAPY

Author: Nathalie Parent, psychologist

Is your teen starting psychotherapy? Are you wondering how to behave during their treatment? What’s the right tone to use? How much of a distance should you maintain? Here are some useful tips for helping your teen heal without overstepping. 

 

Give your teen plenty of space to express themself

Depending on your teen’s age and level of autonomy and independence, they can attend psychotherapy alone. 

If you’re required to attend their sessions, it’s best to let your teen do the talking and only interject if you really need to clarify something or add relevant information. 

In doing so, check that your teen agrees with what you’re saying with phrases like: 

  • “If it’s okay, I’d like to add . . .”
  • “Do you remember, you told me the last time that . . .?”

That way, you let your teen have their own space and the session stays focused on them. 

However, don’t stop yourself from expressing your point of view

Sometimes, it can be useful to share your own perspective of the situation (a behaviour, a word, a gesture), but be sure to remain nuanced so your words aren’t perceived as threatening or accusatory. 

For example:

  • You: “You’ve told me a few times that you felt like you were failing and that you’d rather play video games than study. Or did I misunderstand?”
  • Your teen: “That’s not what I meant, you don’t understand anything!”
  • You, giving the benefit of the doubt: “It’s possible that I misunderstood.”
  • The psychotherapist: “Would you like to talk about that and explain what you meant?”
Try to manage your anxiety

Try to manage your anxiety

Talking about your emotions and worries can be a big help to your teen. So, don’t hesitate to tell the psychotherapist and your teen that you’re concerned for X reason or worried about the consequences when you see your teen doing X thing. 

But beyond that, it’s best to find a way to let go and manage your worries and your parental anxiety by consulting your own psychotherapist, for example. 

Try to trust your teen

In adolescence, young people need to have a space of their own away from their parents, and sometimes also need to fail at things on their own, or rather, experience the consequences of their actions. Parents don’t need to know what happens in this space. It’s a place where the teen can experiment without parental interference. Despite your worries, try to trust them and don’t give in to the temptation to snoop around in their personal spaces (diary, dresser drawers, online accounts, etc.). 

The only exception: if you have a reasonable suspicion that your teen’s life or development may be in danger. However, remember that it’s always best to let your teen know before you do anything that may invade their privacy. Otherwise, you risk breaking their trust.

When to end therapy

When to end therapy depends on several factors. But, as a general rule, the therapist will need to assess how far your teen has come in relation to what brought them to therapy in the first place. For example: Has there been a big enough improvement in their life? 

If your teen wants to stop going to therapy, you can suggest that they talk to their psychotherapist about it and support them in the process. 

Don’t forget, however, that your teen is like a butterfly: you should help them fly with their own wings, not keep them safely tucked away in their chrysalis. 

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