Helping teens stay balanced
Being a Parent with a Mental Disorder
Helping teens stay balanced
Being a Parent with a Mental Disorder
Based on the work of Daphné Lussier, social worker
In Quebec, around one in five children have a parent who suffers from a mental illness. Anxiety and mood disorders, depression, and schizophrenia are among the most common.
A mental disorder manifests through symptoms and periods of distress that significantly affects how a person functions in various areas of their life. – Institut national de la santé publique du Québec
Are you a parent living with a mental disorder? Learn about what you can do to protect the mental health of your teen, who might witness this reality someday
TALK ABOUT YOUR MENTAL ILLNESS
Parents may be tempted to hide the situation in order to shield their children from it. But just like adults, youth need to understand its cause and effects so that they can better adapt to it. An inability to put mental illness into perspective can make teens feel helpless and confused.
According to Daphné Lussier, whose master’s thesis focused on living with a parent who suffers from a major mental illness, children become aware that their parent is “different” at around the age of eight or nine, usually when they witness the symptoms first hand during a crisis.
Use simple terms to explain your illness, along with its symptoms and effects. Consider making a checklist of the main symptoms that your teen can consult if something goes wrong.
A better understanding of their parent’s condition also makes it possible to differentiate between what is part of the mental illness and what is part of the parent’s personality, says Daphné Lussier.
It’s also important to understand how your teen views the situation. Start the discussion with questions like these:
- How does my situation make you feel?
- Does my illness scare you?
- Is there anything you’d like me to explain?
Name and validate their feelings
A teen who experiences the ups and downs of a parent’s illness might experience many emotions, such as:
– Anger
– Sadness
– Anxiety
– Guilt
It’s important to tell them that your mental disorder is not their fault and that they aren’t responsible for your recovery.
Teens who have a good understanding of their parent’s mental disorder tend not to blame themselves for the way their parent behaves. – Daphné Lussier
One of the main dangers for a young person who witnesses their parent struggling is that they become their parent’s parent, a phenomenon known as parentification. This phenomenon can intensify in early adolescence, when the teen becomes aware of their parent’s vulnerabilities.
Their instinct will be to take on the role of caregiver (doing household tasks, offering emotional support) instead of the role of a child. If they do this, their academic progress and relationships with their peers may be affected.
TRUSTED ADULTS
If possible, make sure your teen has a network of trusted adults, such as grandparents, uncles, aunts, and family friends, who can offer their support if needed. This will give them people they can talk to about the situation—without fear of hurting your feelings—when they’re going through a rough time.
Build self-esteem
Finding activities or passions, whether inside or outside the home, can build a teen’s self-esteem. By having fun and nurturing a positive self-image, their risk of becoming isolated decreases.
Learn moreProfessional support
Just like you—as a parent dealing with a mental disorder—might be receiving professional psychological support, it might be a good idea to find the same type of support for your teen if they’re open to it. Professionals can help them navigate the situation and talk about their feelings on neutral ground.
NEED TO TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH WITH YOUR TEENAGER?
- Contact Tel-jeunes Parents for free professional support, available 24/7
- RePère (support services for fathers)
- Find a therapist in Quebec
Resource:
• COPMI (Children of Parents with a Mental Illness)
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