Here are a few tips to help you re-establish communication with your child:

🚴‍♂️ Do an activity with your teen without necessarily seeking to have a conversation or revist the conflict (go for a run, play a sport, go out to the movies, etc.).

🗣 Communicate in contexts where you are “parallel” to each other, rather than directly interacting. For example, you can chat “parallel” to each other in the car or when you’re busy with chores around the house. This kind of informal interaction is often less stressful to the teenager and can help ease them into a conversation more gently.

👋 Show initiative: this can mean knocking on their bedroom door to talk, proposing activities to do together or talking to them on a regular basis. In short, show your desire to re-establish communication and avoid waiting for it to come from the teenager.

👂 Be available to listen: if your teen opens up to you, it’s essential to take the time to receive the information and to express yourself kindly in response, even if you disagree with some of what they say. You can, of course, disagree, but do so respectfully. This helps encourage your kid to keep talking to you.

For example, avoid saying: “I would never let you go out that late!” Instead, say something like: “I understand that you may have felt frustrated by this situation. It wasn’t my intention to frustrate you. I forbade you from going out for your safety.”

🤐 Respect their privacy: like listening, discretion is key when your teen confides in you about their challenges and concerns. For example, avoid initiating delicate conversations in front of siblings or other family members or revealing minor secrets to the other parent.

ARE YOU WORRIED THAT YOU AND YOUR KID ARE DRIFTING APART AND THAT THEY’RE BECOMING MORE DISTANT?

Maybe your teenager isn’t completely refusing to talk to you, but you feel that they are opening up to you less and less, and that they’re “excluding” you from certain areas of their life where you used to be involved.

This is a completely normal part of typical adolescent development, children begin to discover their own identity, looking to become more autonomous and to socialize with their peers. This is why your teen may be more inclined to discuss their concerns with friends.

Here again, it’s important to have an open and attentive attitude, and to be patient. For example, avoid accusing your teen of not talking to you, making them feel guilty for preferring the company of their friends to yours, or forcing closeness or confessions. This can potentially lead to difficult interactions that could become a source of conflict and discomfort and increase the distance between the two of you.

👉 Keep in mind that if you’re going through this with your child, the lack of communication isn’t personal on their end, and that their strong reactions are how they express their negative emotions.

The most important thing is for your teen to feel that you are present and supportive despite any conflicts, and that you support them in expressing their emotions and communicating about disagreements.