Helping teens stay balanced

SUPPORTING TEENS IN THEIR NEED FOR AUTONOMY

Helping teens stay balanced

SUPPORTING TEENS IN THEIR NEED FOR AUTONOMY

Reviewed by Stéphanie Deslauriers, psychoeducator

In the teenage years, young people need to feel competent, proud of themselves, free … in short, autonomy! This need for freedom comes at a time when the brain is most able to assimilate information because it is creating a multitude of new neuronal connections. 

This special ability that teens have allows them to test out new ways of living and find their limits as they build their future adult selves. 

How can you help your teen develop their autonomy? Read on and discover all our tips! 

Developing confidence

Teenagers are in a period of transition and significant physical, mental, and hormonal change. They’re also on a quest for their identity, and while they still need you for many things, they’re also taking on more responsibilities and can do more and more tasks on their own. For example, they can: 

  • Better manage their bedtime routine 
  • Take care of their own personal hygiene 
  • Make their lunch 
  • Cook a simple meal 
  • Have a student job 
  • Manage a budget 
  • Help with household chores 
  • Run simple errands, like going to the corner store or supermarket 
  • Manage their homework and study time 
YOUR TEEN MAY NOT HAVE REACHED THIS LEVEL OF AUTONOMY. WHY?

YOUR TEEN MAY NOT HAVE REACHED THIS LEVEL OF AUTONOMY. WHY?

If you’ve done a lot for them in the past, you may have sent them the message that they’re not able to do things for themself. Or maybe they simply haven’t had the opportunity to develop their skills through practice. 

These days, parents tend to do a lot for their children. The term for this over involvement is helicopter parenting. Our desire to help and protect them as much as possible leaves them less room to experiment, make mistakes, and learn from mistakes, which can hinder their autonomy. 

Trusting your child and letting them try things can go a long way in helping them become independent. A simple way to do this is to encourage them to take initiative and help them accomplish tasks on their own. These little actions will help them better assess risks. 

Some tips for developing your teen's self-esteem

HELPING YOUR TEEN LEARN TO ASSESS RISKS

During adolescence, a teen may not fully understand the risks involved in their actions because they mistakenly believe that nothing can happen to them. This type of magical thinking can drive some teenagers to engage in risky behaviour like abusing alcohol, using psychoactive substances, and engaging in unprotected sex. A teen with helicopter parents is more likely to put themselves in risky situations by pushing the limits that they had not had a chance to explore before in a supervised setting. 

When it comes to understanding risk, never underestimate the power of communication! By mentoring your child and being open to discussion, you’ll find that they’re more comfortable talking to you about difficult subjects, such as sexuality, platonic and romantic relationships, and drugs and alcohol. By learning about the repercussions of these behaviours on their life or health through a non-judgmental discussion, your child will be less inclined to engage in them. 

Does more autonomy mean zero limits?

No! Even though risk-taking is normal for teens in their quest for autonomy, setting clear rules of conduct is essential to ensure that your child doesn’t engage in excessive behaviours. In fact, a teenager is more likely to take risks when there are no ground rules at home. Working with your teen to establish a framework for their lives can help them make smart decisions.

More tips on parent-teen communication and rules of conduct
Encouraging your teen to take initiative

Encouraging your teen to take initiative

Taking initiative doesn’t come naturally to young people: it’s something they learn from important adult role models, such as their parents, grandparents, and teachers. 

Here are a few tips that can help you encourage your teen to take initiative: 

  • Congratulate or thank them sincerely on a regular basis 
  • Avoid sarcastic comments like “See? It wasn’t so hard to empty the dishwasher, was it?” 
  • Give up control: refrain from redoing a job that wasn’t done the way you would do it 
  • Help them learn to understand the consequences of their actions: 
    • Have them take responsibility by letting them deal with the consequences of their choices 
    • Have them make up for their mistakes 
  • Set realistic expectations based on your child’s personality, needs, strengths, and limitations 
  • Provide positive reinforcement and encouragement when they take initiative 

Watch our video on teen independance

NEED TO TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH WITH YOUR TEENAGER?

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