Helping teens stay balanced
Talking to teens: How to maintain a good relationship
Helping teens stay balanced
Talking to teens: How to maintain a good relationship
Author:
Nancy Doyon, special education teacher
You think you’ve got it all figured out as a parent, then suddenly your teen blindsides you with “All my friends are allowed to…” or “I’m going to go live with Dad—he’s cooler than you.” What should you do to avoid falling into a vicious cycle of conflict or losing your authority and becoming an overly permissive parent-friend who no longer sets any limits for their teen? Parenting is an ongoing learning process, and it’s not always easy to figure out how foster good communication with your teen. Read on for tips on how to improve your parent-child relationship.
Set clear expectations
Your teen might look like a grownup, but they still need your help and guidance to become a full-fledged adult. Of course, it’s completely normal for teens to bend or break the rules—it’s how they learn. But by setting clear boundaries and expectations, you can help them manage their anxiety and avoid engaging in any risky behaviour.
Establish house rules with your teen
To help minimize parent-teenager conflict, be sure to talk to your teen about setting rules around:
• Curfew and lights-out… and when to wake up
• Their studying, homework, and school schedule
• Your expectations in terms of academic performance
• When they can invite friends over or go to a friend’s house
• Afterschool snacks
• Screen time, movies, and video games (including what content is acceptable)
• Their chores and responsibilities and involvement in family life (e.g., helping clear the table after a meal, putting away the groceries, etc.)
• Your expectations in terms of how they express their emotions and handle disagreements, and what you consider to be disrespectful or rude
• Anything else that regularly creates conflict between you and your teen
Go over the house rules when you’re both feeling calm and collected and be sure to explain the reasoning behind them. Teens are much more likely to break a rule they don’t understand.
Be a mentor to your teen
Some parents want to seem cool in the eyes of their teen 😎and wind up acting more like a friend than a parent. Unfortunately, most teenagers are uncomfortable with this type of relationship 😰.
While they may be fighting for their freedom, teens know full well that they still need a guide, a mentor, supervision, and a hierarchical structure. Teens can have hundreds of friends, but they usually only have two parents. What’s more, when you try too hard to be their friend, you can end up losing your credibility as a parent, making it all that much more difficult to set boundaries when they cross a line.
This is why it’s important to accept the fact that you need to keep a certain distance from your teen and know that, for a period of time, they will want and need to hang out with friends their own age and have their own life. A parent’s role includes knowing when to take a step back and leave room for friends. Even so, there’s no reason why you can’t maintain a great parent-teen relationship through open communication and family activities (even if, sometimes, you have to force your teen to take part).
Parent-teenager conflict resolution
During adolescence, teens develop their identities and seek more freedom and independence. This makes it easier for them to push back against their parents’ rules and guidance. The transition to adulthood can be a challenging time and can lead to plenty of parent-teenager conflicts and crises. Suddenly, nothing you say seems to make sense to them, your jokes aren’t funny anymore, and all you do is argue. Everything you do, sometimes even just your mere presence, seems to set them off.
Want to effectively resolve common teenage conflicts, while preserving your relationship with your teen? These six tips can help.
Effectively resolving conflictsIn our video, you will hear testimonials from families and valuable advice on how to improve your relationship.
KEEP IN MIND
As you well know, adolescence is a long journey that requires kindness and patience from parents. Just keep in mind that, by laying out a few ground rules, you’ll set a positive example for your teen. And through you, they’ll come to understand the importance of good communication and conflict resolution skills.
In short, it’s a lifelong journey!
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Learn about the contributor’s training courses
Family coach Nancy Doyon gives training courses and talks worldwide to help support people like you in their roles as parent or caregiver.
Renowned for her humour and candor, Nancy knows how to steer the conversation in new directions and isn’t afraid to question certain widespread educational practices. Drawing as much on her 28 years of experience working with children with behavioural difficulties as on her knowledge of neuroscience, psychology, coaching, and education, she has a few tricks up her sleeve that can help you to better understand young people, find out what causes their rebellious behaviour and learn what you can do to address their actual needs.
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